


Once Upon a Shitpost

by OMsRandomWriter



Series: Social Media Mixups [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Bruce Wayne is Batman, Cassandra Cain is Batgirl, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Duke Thomas is Signal, Everyone knows Jason Todd is Red Hood, Everyone knows Jason Todd was Robin II, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Multi, No one else knows who the other batfamily is, Past Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson, Past Relationship(s), Past Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, Past Talia al Ghul/Bruce Wayne, Social Media, Stephanie Brown is Spoiler, Tim Drake is Robin, Twitter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:47:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26096611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OMsRandomWriter/pseuds/OMsRandomWriter
Summary: Jenna Rhys is just a resident Gothamite, right? Well, according to her online Persona, she’s the Number One Shitposter of Gotham, which, usually isn’t something most think about, but when a tweet of hers goes viral, she’s about to realize just how much joking can do, especially from the Head Joker himself.
Relationships: Bruce Wayne/Original Character(s), Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson/Koriand'r, Jason Todd/Donna Troy, Stephanie Brown/Tim Drake, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Alfred Pennyworth & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne
Series: Social Media Mixups [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894744
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	1. Tweet 0

**Author's Note:**

> So I honestly love all the social media fics, and I just had to try it out for myself! I'll be doing both images and typed out words, mainly so everyone can enjoy it.

**lol wut** _@memechilichild_ 07/24

Yo, so, is it tradition for the Rouges to hold the airport hostage or am I just that unlucky to have it happen five separate times? _**#OnlyInGotham #GothamsRogues #WhyIsItAlwaysMe?**_

_One Comment, Three Retweets, Twenty Likes_

* * *

**lol wut** _@memechilichild_ 07/24

like, the first couple of times, ok, understandable, but the third? the fourth? this time? are y'all ok? do you need help?

> **lol wut** _@memechilichild_ 07/24
> 
> Yo, so, is it tradition for the Rouges to hold the airport hostage or am I just that unlucky to have it happen five separate times? _**#OnlyInGotham #GothamsRogues #WhyIsItAlwaysMe?**_

* * *

**lol wut** _@memechilichild_ 07/24

I might be risking my life doing this, but by golly, this is just unacceptable. _**#Batfam**_ _,_ y'all really going to leave your resident shitposter out high and dry here? _**#WhereAreMyTrafficLightBoys**_

> **lol wut** _@memechilichild_ 07/24
> 
> like, the first couple of times, ok, understandable, but the third? the fourth? this time? are y'all ok? do you need help?

* * *

**lol wut** _@memechilichild_ 07/24

this blew up like the second Robin and I Did Not Mean It Like That. _**#TheyreMyBoysButNotActuallyMine #ItWasJustAShitpost #RougesDoNotInteract**_

> **lol wut** _@memechilichild_ 07/24
> 
> I might be risking my life doing this, but by golly, this is just unacceptable. _**#Batfam**_ _,_ y'all really going to leave your resident shitposter out high and dry here? _**#WhereAreMyTrafficLightBoys**_

_2.6k Comments, 34k Retweets, 76.2k Likes_


	2. Jenna's Absolutely Normal Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenna goes to work after Tweet 0 and three of the boys make the wrong assumption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I might be messing up the Timeline a little. Let's just blame Barry and move on...
> 
> Duke Thomas was officially adopted by Bruce Wayne following an incident where the Joker drove his parents insane, causing them to go missing. I haven't officially read any of the "We Are Robin" stuff, so most of what I'm getting from him is from his wiki page.

She stared at her phone in disbelief, scrolling through her feed over and over again, the same hashtags overtaking every post she saw. 

**_#BatFam_ **

**_#BatMom_ **

**_#WhereAreMyTrafficLightBoys_ **

“What have I done?” she moaned, rubbing her temples. At 34, many would be concerned at someone her age being, well, being _her_ , but she liked making people laugh, and not in a bad way, like Joker’s Laughing Gas. After a few moments, she picked up her phone and began to type.

* * *

****

**lol wut** _@memechilichild_ 07/25

A Thread On Why I’d Be A Bad Parent

1) I barely function as a human, let alone as an adult

2) Any and all plants I have die the second I touch them (Sorry Poison Ivy)

3) me? with a baby? trust me fam, I don’t like babies for a reason.

* * *

****

**lol wut** _@memechilicild_ 07/25

4) I’m literally an internet troll. At most I’m a part time secretary

5) said secretary job is the WORST. lemme just open my cafe already **@Gotham**

6) wow, you’re made it this far?

7) Finally awake? You were trying to cross the border, same as us and that thief over-

> **lol wut** _@memechilichild_ 07/25
> 
> A Thread On Why I’d Be A Bad Parent
> 
> 1) I barely function as a human, let alone as an adult
> 
> 2) Any and all plants I have die the second I touch them (Sorry Poison Ivy)
> 
> 3) me? with a baby? trust me fam, I don’t like babies for a reason.

* * *

Putting her phone down, she quickly changed into her work clothes, putting her hair up in two buns and pinning them in place with some skull themmed bobbypins. She didn’t risk glancing at the notification tab as she cycled her phone to sleep, putting it in her purse and locking her apartment door behind her.

* * *

****

**lol wut** _@memechilicild_ 07/25

4) I’m literally an internet troll. At most I’m a part time secretary

5) said secretary job is the WORST. lemme just open my cafe already **@Gotham**

6) wow, you’re made it this far?

7) Finally awake? You were trying to cross the border, same as us and that thief over-

> **lol wut** _@memechilichild_ 07/25
> 
> A Thread On Why I’d Be A Bad Parent
> 
> 1) I barely function as a human, let alone as an adult
> 
> 2) Any and all plants I have die the second I touch them (Sorry Poison Ivy)
> 
> 3) me? with a baby? trust me fam, I don’t like babies for a reason.

_948 Comments, 48108 Retweets, 94605 Likes_

* * *

“Jen!”

The brunette stopped in her tracks from where she was trying to get into the employee breakroom without Kelly seeing her and instead turned around to sheepishly smile at her best friend. “Hi Kels,” she said, making the blonde roll her eyes.

“No, nuh-uh, no _hi Kels_.” the woman snorted, grabbing her arm and tugging her towards the door. “You made a tweet, and It. Went. Viral. Do you know how many things I’ve seen today wanting to know what you look like?”

“I’m _so_ glad it’s a troll account,” she shuddered. “I haven’t looked at my phone since I did that joke list.”

“You should,” Kelly grinned. “Got to admit, Skyrim’ing people is the best way to tell them to fuck off.”

“Oh, I can do so much more,” Jenna laughed, looping their arms together. “I missed our GNOs.”

“Me too. Tomorrow at 7, let’s go do a girl’s date,” Something caught her attention, and she saw a slightly familiar figure. Turning her head a bit more, she grinned at her boss’s kids before turning back to her best friend.

“It’s a date,” she agreed.

* * *

**Walking Sunshine** _@flyinggrayson_ 07/25

So when should one start to worry when the two secretaries for the CEO are apparently dating? Asking for a friend. **_#TheyreCoupleGoals #TheyCanAlsoRuinWEInOneDay_ **

_156 Comments, 1650 Retweets, 3604 Likes_

* * *

**Zombie** _@toddman_ 07/25

Wait they’re official now? **_#ICalledIt #CassOwesMe20_ **

> **Walking Sunshine** _@flyinggrayson_ 07/25
> 
> So when should one start to worry when the two secretaries for the CEO are apparently dating? Asking for a friend. **_#TheyreCoupleGoals #TheyCanAlsoRuinWEInOneDay_ **

* * *

****

**Duke of Thom** _@theforgottenson_ 07/25

J just smiled at us and told K ‘it’s a date’. I can hear the bells now. **_#SorryBShesTaken #DoesThisMeanAlfredLostABet?_ **

> **Zombie** _@toddman_ 07/25
> 
> Wait they’re official now? **_#ICalledIt #CassOwesMe20_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are the rough(?) ages of everyone! While Damian is tagged, he won't be appearing just yet.
> 
> Alfred - 63  
> Bruce - 37  
> Selina - 35  
> Jenna - 34  
> Kelly - 30  
> Barbara - 25  
> Dick - 22  
> Jason - 19  
> Duke Thomas - 16  
> Cassandra - 15  
> Stephanie - 14  
> Tim - 14  
> Damian - 9


	3. Jenna, Meet Scarecrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The GNO ends in a disaster, but hey, at least there's a couple semi-local masks there to save the day, right?

****

**lol wut** _@memechilichild_ 07/25

Oh thank god that tag took over mine **_#WhoAreJandK #Wait #AreTheyPullingAFastOneOnUs #WhyAreTheyCoupleGoals #ExplainYourselfDick_ **

* * *

**Overworked, Underpaid** _@jrhys_ 07/25

Nothing like a nice GNO with your bestie who you haven’t seen in a month **_#Selfie #ShesMySisterFromAnotherMister_ **

* * *

**City of Gotham Police Department** _@GothCPD_

Be on alert, Scarecrow has been sighted along 39th street. Stay safe and indoors, and remember to call 9-1-1 if you see or encounter one of the Rogues. **_#RogueSighting #StaySafe #Scarecrow_ **

_46 Comments, 16753 Retweets, 34676 Likes_

* * *

She couldn't help herself; she glanced down at her phone and opened Twitter, paling at the pings.

"Kelly, we have to go," she said, making the blonde frown and look away from the dance floor to her.

"What did we say about phones aside from selfies?" She sighed, but Jenna shook her head.

"Scarecrow has been spotted less than two blocks away, talking to his goons about trying to find m-" she cut herself off, looking around and leaning forward. "He's looking for _memechilichild_ ,"

Her violet eyes widened and she nodded, heading over to the bartender to pay their bill as she kept glancing towards the door as if expecting the masked Rouge to come crashing in.

After a minute, Kelly came back and wrapped her arms around hers, unnaturally tense. "Should we risk an Uber or Lyft?" She asked, but the brunette shook her head.

"And risk the driver swiping my phone? Right now, I'm Undesirable Number One. The only thing the pfp gives is my hairstyle," she argued.

"But if he's less than two blocks from here, and your place is four…" Kelly trailed off with a look, but Jenna shook her head.

"We have to risk walking Kels. The Bats most likely already know where he is or has him in custody."

The blonde kept looking at her before sighing. "You're making me go gray prematurely,"

As the two started to head towards the door, it was flung open and the screams began.

* * *

**Mr Boss Man**

I regret to inform you that I will be unable to return to work for the next week.

I understand, Miss Rhys. What is the matter?

Professionally speaking, sir, I will be recovering from the latest Rouge attack.

Unprofessionally, Scarecrow is a massive fucking bitch and is threatening to  
Fear Gas the bar Kelly and I are in if the Bats don’t appear soon.

Sir?

* * *

“Starting with this one!”

Jenna yelped and all but threw her phone behind her as Scarecrow appeared in front of her, a gun in hand as he paced. “You really don’t,” she warned.

“Oh, but I really _do_ ,” he put the gun up to her chest, and she did her best not to show how scared she was. She had been hit with the gas once, back when she just started working at WE, and she knew that her fears had changed so much. He then put the phone to his face. “Batman has five… four… three,” He didn’t even count to two before he fired, the world around her turning red as he laughed. “Oops, my finger slipped.”

“Jenna!” She heard Kelly scream, but as she turned to her, she saw her friend’s bloodied corpse, lifeless eyes staring at her. Blinking, she looked down and found herself starting to hyperventilate as blood covered her arms and legs. Glancing around, she saw everyone else in various stages of death or dying, with her being the only one alive.

 _I did this_ , she realized.

“What do you see?” Jolting, she saw Batman standing in front of her, face furious as she (awkwardly) noticed Red Hood’s and Nightwing’s bodies slipping through a ceiling panel behind him. “What is your greatest fear?”

She leaned forward, watching him do the same. “I see…” she whispered, making him lean closer before yelling “FIGHT OR FLIGHT BITCH!” Jabbing her arm up, she felt a burlap sack rather than a cowl and jammed her fingers into the man’s throat, using her other arm to punch him in the stomach before standing up and kneeing him in the crotch and bringing her elbows down on his back.

Scare-bat went down, and a second later, the world went blurry as she began to stumble towards the two vigilantes’ standing bodies. “J-Miss, are you ok?”

“Shh, I’m gonna sleep now,” she mumbled, swaying a bit before falling towards Nightwing, the prick on her neck telling her she had just gotten the cure.

* * *

**Mr Boss Man**

I regret to inform you that I will be unable to return to work for the next week.

I understand, Miss Rhys. What is the matter?

Professionally speaking, sir, I will be recovering from the latest Rouge attack.

Unprofessionally, Scarecrow is a massive fucking bitch and is threatening to  
Fear Gas the bar Kelly and I are in if the Bats don’t appear soon.

Sir?

Mister Wayne, I’m not sure what connections you have to the Bats, but   
thank you. I should be recovered by Monday.

Take all the time you need, Miss Rhys.

* * *

**Richard**

Hey Jenna. Are you doing ok?

My head is still a little fuzzy from the Fear {Toxen}. Thank you again  
for driving me home. It must’ve been awkward, driving your father’s   
secretary around.

You’ve known me since I was 10, Jen. You’re practically   
family. Just let me know if you or Kelly need anything and   
take it easy, ok?

Richard, we’re grown women, we can take care of ourselves.

Two tubs of French Silk and all the Monster Movies I can  
hold?

Yes please

* * *

**Jason**

Give it to me straight, what happened last night

Got there just in time to see you beat the s*** outta   
Scarecrow in front of the entire GCPD while yelling about   
“Fight or Flight” before collapsing on Nightwing.

Holy shit

Like…

holy hell I know I made a joke about yelling the “fight or flight   
bitch” at him but I honestly can’t remember anything past getting   
Getting shot with the stuff.

want the video of it?

Hell yes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus:  
> Jenna: also, s***?  
> Jason: f****** Best Brother Ever fixed his language  
> Jason: Best Brother Ever fixed his language  
> Jason: I'm going to love him  
> Jason: LOVE  
> Jason: K I L L  
> Jenna: Come over in 10 and I'll fix the autocorrect.

**Author's Note:**

> https://twitter.com/memechilichild
> 
> Feel free to interact with me there! I'll occasionally pop over and do some in-character stuff before I update a chapter, so there's a chance an actual tweet might be showcased!


End file.
